No Matter What: Condensed Version
by Tanglenight
Summary: A fanfiction fanfiction for Ayns and Sky's hit story "No Matter What." Each chapter they post one chapter of this! Formerly posted in reviews. Apparently it is hilarious.
1. Chapter 1

**Condensed version of No Matter What by Ayns and Sky! Currently catching up to whenever I stopped. First chapter complete. **

**This is a synopses, and is intentionally out of character. **

**I don't own the plot, or the characters! The plot is Ayns and Sky's, like Gorgeous kid. The rest are Micheal Bruckley's. I own the condensed version though! If only I was paid... **

*~:~*~:~*

Granny Relda: Wake up lazy bones!

Sabrina: *salutes, and shakes Daphne awake*

Daphne: wtf? *snore* Food… *snore* food… *snore speedysleepwalk downstairs*

Sabrina: *gets all pretty and goes downstairs*

Puck: eihnvoiherhfsjd….

Sabrina: ?

Puck: Good morning…

Daphne: Mmm! Deliciousoso!

Sabrina: *+.+* Mm... Good... Bye! *~.~ walk to school*

Puck: Here we go… *walk to school with Sabrina*

Sabrina: WTF?

Gorgeous kid: Hi! My name is Kerdy! *changes name to Kerdy, and flirts with Sabrina*

Sabrina: Hi… *$.$*

Kerdy: You're pretty…

Sabrina: :3

Daphne: OO

Puck: *seeth*

Kerdy: Do you luuurrrvve Sabrina?

Puck: WTF? What kind of loaded question is that? *shifty glance and fingers crossed behind back* No…

Sabrina:  *look at Kerdy* :D

Puck: #.# *seeth and walk off* Dummy…

Sabrina: D: *wahhh…*

Kerdy: :D

Sabrina: :D

Puck: *grr, prank, revenge, sabrina, kerdy, grr…*

Sabrina: …--''''~--…--''''~--… *wahh, tee hee, sad, yay?*

Kerdy: I can't walk home with you today…

Sabrina: ** Ok… **

Puck: *grr… Kerdy… Must destroy…*

Kerdy: Bye! *waltz off*

Sabrina: *wave* OUCH! Dust in my eye…

Girl with a hanky: *gives Sabrina handy*

Sabrina: *wipes eyes* OUCH! The hanky is dirty!

Girl without a hanky: *takes the hanky back* Be more careful! *waltz off*

Puck: *tease?* Are you blind? *ha!*

Sabrina: Grrr… *waves hands in front of her* Ugly… *.?* ]:(

Daphne: ?

Sabrina: }P

Daphne and Puck: ?

Sabrina: *stupid…grrr…hate…puck…daphne…relda…everafters…grrr…angry…grrr…puck…*

Relda: Liebl-

Sabrina: RAWR!

Puck: ?

Sabrina: RAWR! DIE PUCK! RAWR! GRRRR!!!

Puck: *:(*

Sabrina: I'm going to my room. *RAWR!!!*

Puck: *T_T*

Relda: Stay there until you calm down!

Puck: I'm going in. If I don't return tomorrow, then I am rotting in a dungeon being used as a punchbag.

Relda: ^^ Ok!

Sabrina: *Rawr* I strongly detest you with a fire that burns through my soul Puck! I hate you Daphne.

Puck: Nevermind. *owie…*

Next day….

Puck: *:(*

Sabrina: *grrr*

Daphne: *sad*

Kerdy: Hi Sabrina!

Sabrina: *do I know you?* *ignore*

Kerdy: ?

Daphne: Woe is Sabrina… She hates us all.

Kerdy: ^^ She'll be fine!

Puck: *grr…*

Daphne: ^^ Okey dokey!

Sabrina: GGGGRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRPPPUUUCCCKKK!!!! Grr Daphne…. *squints at Kerdy* Who the heck are you?

Daphne: *squats in Granny Relda's room*

Kerdy: ^^ *worries, and watches*

*~:~*~:~*~:~*

**This one wasn't short enough. *grr***

**Reviews = feedback, I 'spose. It would be cool if the readers from No Matter What reviewed here too. **

**It would be hilarious if I got more reviews. **

***~:Tanglenight:~*  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Had this finished a while ago! I waited I had enough reviews, and I figure now is a good time to post the next one. ^^**

**Thanks to Ayns and Sky for their support! (Yes, I do have permission to write this story.) Also, thanks to girl genius, MOlly, !, chemicalsilver, obsessedwithbooks, and Ascaisil, SeekDreamsAndFindHope, Eulalia95, Trickster Queen464, Aquamarine Jazz, curlscat (love your stories by the way), and some other people who didn't review. **

**My favorite number is thirteen, so I am updating at that number. I certainly hope I get reviews for the first chapter separated from the second one. .  
**

* * *

Sabrina: *is avoided*

Sabrina: *shifty eyes*

Sabrina: *breaks Relda's favorite Basil memento*

Relda: ? OO *runs downstairs*

Jake: Sabrina! *angry face*

Sabrina: *begins walking away*

Relda: Halt!

Sabrina: *blows a rasberry*

Jake: *grabs her arm*

Sabrina: Yo daddy is so dead, that he got dead from the jabberthing that you set free!

Jake: Waahhh….

Canis: What you gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Sabrina: *blows a rasberry all around* Die, die from my super powers of saliva!

Jake: *sprinkles Sabrina with dust*

Sabrina: What the- *snore*

Relda: *grimm* I think that something is influencing Sabrina.

Jake: Besides puberty?

Sabrina: *wheezecoughgasp*

Everyone: ? *turns to Jake*

Jake: OO It wasn't me!

Sabrina: *wheezecoughgasp*

Canis: *speedySabrinatocouch*

Puck: *OO*

Jake: *dumps Nite-nite for Spoiled Princess Wake up on Sabrina*

Sabrina: *wheezecoughgasp…….*

Daphne and others: Are you okay?

Sabrina: *wheezecou-* … *glare…. SUPER GLARE FOR PUCK*

Puck: **

Jake: WTF(udge)? Whatz goin' on Momma?

Relda: *grimmly* Detective time! Elvis!

People sing: Scooby Dooby Doo… Where are you? It's time to catch some villains!

Relda: LET'S GO GANG!!!

Everyone: *goes upstairs*

Elvis: *I thought that I was a nothin' but a hound dog…?*

Everyone but Puck: Time to call Gorgeous Kerdy! *ring*

Puck: "_"

Kerdy: 'Sup?

Daphne: Help us with Sabrina!

Kerdy: Ok! Soo… 'Sup Princess?

Daphne: SabrinagotdustinhereyesandthisgorgeousgirlgaveherahandkerchieftowipehereyeswiththenPuckwalkedherhomeandwhenshegotbackshewaslike"grrrawrhate"andthat'sallIknow.

Kerdy: Mkay, so… What did the girl look like?

Daphne: Gorgeous.

Kerdy: OMFG! Klarissa! I forsaw this with my telepathy with other people as gorgeous as me! She is my ex, and does voodoo magic!

Granny: Voodoo magic?!

Kerdy: No, not really.

…

… I think.

… Well… Technically…

Granny: Hey, you're Kai and Gerda's son!

Kerdy: I 'spose I am…

Granny: Wait… She hates us! It's the Goblin's Mirror!

Kerdy: *facepalm* Of course!

Daphne: ?

Kerdy: *explains that anything you love becomes disgusting in your mind after you are infected with shards*

Puck: *in denial*

Kerdy: But wait, there's more!

Puck: *is just about ready to run Kerdy through with a white hot pimp cane courtesy of Lucius Malfoy*

Kerdy: It involves twoo wuv… In a romantical way.

Puck: *in denial* Kiss up Kid!

Kerdy: No, not from me.

Puck: *denial* …*grumbles and stomps upstairs*

Kerdy: *grow up Puck…* I will ask Mumzy and Pop!

Granny: Be careful! Don't forget to look both ways when you cross the street!

Jake: We're screwed.

And everyone else, overcome with a sense of desperation, agrees.

*~:~*~:~*

Sabrina: *doesn't like the way she looks, and breaks enough mirrors to give her 35 years of bad luck*

Puck:  You so love me.

Sabrina: Rawr, I hate you with a detestment ingrained deeply in my bosom.

Puck:  You think I'm hot.

Sabrina: You are ugly.

Daphne: Hi?

Puck: Go away.

Daphne: Ok…

Puck:  You love your sister.

Sabrina: She sucks.

Puck: … So you hate me?

Sabrina: Molten hatred for you runs through my veins and pulses with every beat of my heart, just waiting like a volcano to erupt.

Puck: ^^ Ok, just checking. *denial* I hate you too! *whistles, and skips down the stairs. *I'm amazing!*…. *nostalgic*

*~:~*~:~*~:~*

Kerdy: It has to be romance. Preferably tears from that special someone.

Jake: What about Daphne.

Kerdy: No.

Puck: I have to what?

Kerdy: You love her, and she loves you too.

Puck: *blush* Don't be so forward.

Kerdy: Peter Pan with chicken wings…

Puck: Fine! The amazing, godly Trickster King loves her.

*CRASH*

OMG!

*rush rush rush rush rush rush upstairs to Sabrina*

Sabrina: *coughwheezegasp*

Puck: Go away peeps!

Everyone else: But-

Relda: Let's go, nothing to see here.

The other Peeps: ^^ Ok!

Puck: *lip tremble* Waaahhh…. *hugs Sabrina*

Sabrina: *shiverwarm, no fire*

Puck: *kiss*

Sabrina: *OOkiss*

…

Wahh…

Puck: It's not your fault!

Sabrina and Puck: *have a make-out session*

Puck and Sabrina: *after ten minutes* I love you!

Puck: *heehee, now she has to confess her love to me so I won't prank her*

Sabrina: *oblivious*

Puck: Sooo… What are we going to tell the family?

Sabrian: OO

* * *

**AN: So, what do you think? Push the button that ranges in color from purple, to green, to turquoise and ye shall be rewarded. **

**You totally won't believe this, but I was just diagnosed with signifigant depression. Poor me... But reviews make my day a whole lot lighter, and less woeful. Please review? **

**Don't kill Mr. Seven! If you don't review then a piece of him is cut off! We wouldn't want that, would we?**

**...**

**...**

**_*~:Tanglenight:~*_  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry this one is lacking in some ways! You will see later... Because I am a doofus, I lost track of reviews. A lot of checking my reviews was done on a Blackberry Storm, and the little keys were frustrating me. So forgive me if I did not reply to your reviews. **

Thanks to: **Ayns and Sky** (Thanks for so much!), **Lara D., Trickster Queen 464, Eulalia95, curlscat **(I still love your stories, even though I don't review enough), **Aquamarine Jazz, silent entrance, Ascaisil, obsessedwithbooks, Lyla Domae, !, grimmgirl, Li-li, A CertainPeanutButterJellySandwich, and Mystestar **(You too? OO)

Thank all of you for your sympathies! Even though I hate it... *scowl* But I still love all of you!

* * *

Sabrina: *enters room wearing clothes that fit like someone had shrunk them, which was certainly the case with her shorts, but her sweater seemed to drown her* …

Jake: And so, the reason why you should not carry exploding powder in your underwear is-

…

Daphne: *Sabrina is better! ^^ Kerdy was right!* …. *tackles Sabrina with a hug*

Sabrina: Sorry!

Jake: *sniff*

Canis: *out of character smile*

Kerdy: Is Puck a cry-baby?

Sabrina: … No. Now, what happened?

Jake: *puffs up* Don't worry, the rest of the gang figured out using our super groovy skillz that it is was all part of a curse, created by the Goblin's Mirror. Info courtesy of Daphne and Fre- Kerdy.

Sabrina: *_* Kerdy… Right…

Fred!Kerdy: *graceful acception of rejection* S'okay. Well, talk to you later gang! *pats Daphne's head* See ya princess! *whistles the theme song while walking home*

Daphne: *blushes*

Sabrina: Sorry…

Everyone else: We get the picture.

Sabrina: *snore*

Jake: I will get her upstairs. She weighs about as much as a cat, so…

Elvis and Canis: *Cat? OO*

Jake: *comes back downstairs* Oh, yeah, mom? I got normal food.

Relda: Normal food? I always make normal food….?

Jake: No, mom, you don't.

Relda: Oh, Okay!

Jake: It's comfort food for Sabrina.

Relda: ^^ Good idea! You know, you _are_ my favorite son…

Jake: Mom, I'm not going to put my coat in the Hall of Wonders.

Relda: -_-

*~:~*~:~*

Elvis: *Hello old chap! How about getting this old fodder some sausages?*

Canis: *Elvis, I am not going to get you sausage.*

Elvis: *Well, that just goes to show that not even a sophisticated greater breed like me, who is the pinnacle of purebreeds can get a sausage for his investigations.*

Canis: *cough**Inbred**cough*

Elvis: *-_- That's a low blow.*

*~:~*~:~*

Sabrina: *thinks about growing up, including… Death, experiences, puberty, crisis, war, and sausage* Hmmm… *she gets up and goes to her special place*

*~:~*~:~*

Sabrina's bed: *empty*

Daphne: #.# Where's Sabrina?

Jake: I don't know.

Puck: I shall search high and low for my love! *whoosh…*

Jake and Daphne: …?

Puck: *finds her after searching through various closets in the house, and puts his hand on her shoulder* Wakey wakey eggs and bacey!

Sabrina: Sure. *gets up*

Puck: Silly people, foolish people. *kisses Sabrina*

Sabrina: Fine, I love you…

Puck: *goes into peacock mode* Of course you do… Who doesn't? I am awesome.

Sabrina: Hold onto that thought. *whooshchangewhoosh*

Puck: *OO* OO What are you wearing?

Sabrina: A giant shirt that doesn't cover my shoulders or anything above my armpits, a mini-mini-skirt, and a tank-top that covers my –ahem- packaging.

Puck: *OO* OO No. You have other clothes.

Sabrina: 0:) But none of them fit right… Besides, you are the one who tailored them.

Puck: *uses his magical spirit fingers of doom to fix it*

Sabrina: OMG! I don't look like a lady from a harlem!

Puck: That was the intention.

Sabrina: *drool* Waffles… *teleports into the kitchen* Waffles…

Daphne: Yeah, I saved some waffles-

Sabrina: Waffles… *snarfs down ten of them* Waffles…

Puck: OO

Daphne: OO

Relda: Seeing her eat with such poor table manners so enthusiastically warms my bosom…

Jake: What about bosoms?

Daphne: Kerdy! ^^

Kerdy: Daphne! ^^

Gorgeous Klarissa: *draws Kerdy to her*

Kerdy: #.#

Klarissa: #.#

Kerdy: WTF Klarissa? I thought that we were tight?

Klarissa: No, Kerdy. The Grimm is Marked now.

Kerdy: OO NOOOO0000ooooo…….

Klarissa: YEEeeeesssss….

Kerdy: NOOO0000oooo….  
Klarissa: YEEeeeessss….

Kerdy: NOOO0-

Klarissa: *slaps and walks away*

Sabrina: *-_- Let's just go to class.

Everyone: *Marked? OO?*

*~:~*~:~*

Girls: *watch Puck*

Sabrina: *Scary death glare at girls*

Girls: * *^.^ #.#*

Puck: *ROFL*

Boys: *check out Sabrina*

Puck: *arm drape around Sabrina*

Boys: *#.#

*Lunch time*

Sabrina: Puck give it back!

Puck: Pft… No! *rasberry*

Sabrina: *lunge, pause* ?

Puck and Daphne: ?

Sabrina: *panics* I can't see!

Puck: *snap snap* Really? *waves a hand in front of her* This is not natural!

Daphne: It must be magic!

Puck: *fumes*

Daphne: …

*all three go wait for a ride after a call to Granny Relda*

Sabrina: This reminds me of the time we were used as drug mules.

Puck: Ok…

Sabrina: At least they didn't have ferrets.

Puck: *did she go crazy too?*

Sabrina: *rambles* I thought that I was going crazy when I started to like you. But if it helps, I like you best when you are being sweet.

Puck: *chortles* Yeah, if anyone had told me that I would like you then I would have had the pixies throw them in the river.

Sabrina: *holds his hand*

Klarissa: *comes closer*

Sabrina: *remains blissfully unaware*

* * *

**I thought that this chapter sucked... I am thouroughly disappointed in you people who did not review! I believe that you should have! Therefore... If you did not review then Mr. Seven lost a piece of his soul. So now Mr. Seven is evil, and is going to hunt you down with a vengance. Beware of the psychotic dwarf!**

**Next in line is *sniff* Puck! Review, and you save him. If you don't, then he is the Villain King! For those of you have no idea what I am talking about, shame on you! *tsk tsk* Go read the twentieth chapter of No Matter What! **

**Now, review I say, review and tell me how terrible this chapter was! But flame me, and you will be somewhat surprised at my response.**

**Why haven't you reviewed? Do it!  
**


	4. Chapter 4, Part 1

**Hey, guess what. I didn't die. Yay, now the story can go on! I guess... Why didn't I update? Well, me, being me, got bored. And depressed. And anti-social. And didn't feel like writing ANYTHING. Not even schoolwork, or my own original story. But then I met a guy, and now it is slowly turning back. I feel happy again. HAPPY in big bold neon letters. But only after talking to him. So, without further excuses, here is the next chapter that you have been waiting months for. It is CHAPTER FOUR! Reviews/thanks are at the bottom. **

Chapter four:

Puck and Daphne: *see Klarissa* OH CRAP! What are you doing here?

Klarissa: *gorgeous hair toss* Bwahaha! Is she dying yet? First stage? Second stage? She dies in a week! Doesn't matter anyway, I just want to be snarky, and sarcastic. Like Draco Malfoy.

Puck and Daphne: Draco who?

Klarissa: *oops* Er... Never mind. *scary finger point at Puck* I saved you trouble, so you owe me! Or was that the auto sales guy...

Puck and Daphne: *?*

Daphne: What the fudge? She never did anything to you!

Klarissa: *is shaken out of memories of her extortionist days* You can save her if you- *dramatic music cue* Leave! *gorgeoushairtossflounceaway*

Meanwhile, Sabrina has been sitting docilely. Wait...

**SABRINA WAS DOCILE?**

Sabrina: Umm... Hello? Anyone there? Knock knock...

Daphne: Who's there?

Sabrina: Knock knock...

Daphne: Who's there?

Sabrina: Will no one answer my knock knock joke?

Puck: *says due to a plot hole that could jeoprodize the fanficfanfic unless resolved* Oh no! Sabrina can't hear us! But don't worry, 'cause _every little thing, *_ba-dum-dum* _is gonna be alright.._

Red truck: *splutter-backfire-swerve*

Amazingly-Spry-Sixty-Something-Or-So-Grandma: *gaspity* _Leibling_!

Daphne: *grows faint* Oh Granny, it's terrible. Sabrina got worse!

Amazingly-Spry-Sixty-Something-Or-So-Grandma: Yep.

Everyone present: *tries to force Sabrina into the car, and fails miserably*

Sabrina: *prays to Puck pitifully, panicking* I need help... Give me a sign, any sign that you are there. Am I safe?

Puck: *pats her on the arm*

Sabrina: *hops down* Okey doke, let's get this show on the road!

*Sabrina is put in the car*

* * *

Epic Truck Break for Sabrina, part one (Due to Word of God)

Sabrina: Testing, testing, one two three. Sweet, I can still hear myself! But wait... Puck, would you squeeze my hand? *nope* What if I said that you are so handsome that the shining aura around you exceeds the brightness of the sun, and you were more amazing than the heavens themselves? *That'd be a negative.* Well, crap.

End of Sabrina's Epic Truck Break, part one (Due to Word of God)

* * *

Puck: Hey, Sabrina can't talk. We should probably fix this.

*everyone sits, unmoving except for Mr. Canis' shift in speed from twenty miles per hour to twenty five miles per hour, which is only fifteen miles per hour under the speed limit. Everyone is awe inspired by this amazing reform, and simply nod in reply to Puck's scintillating comment*

Puck: *attention is drawn back to Sabrina like a fly to a pile of sh...aving cream*

Sabrina: *mouths out* Can you hear me now? What about now?

Puck: *writes on her hand* Heck, no woman.

Sabrina: *breaks down, and Puck gets some curled-up-girl-on-his-lap action*

Relda: Mr. Canis, please pick up the pace old chap. I think I have a magic toolbox at home that can fix problems like this. Of course, it might be the Jabberwocky blood... But I'm sure the toolbox will do it!

* * *

Epic Truck Break for Sabrina, part two (Added by someone awesome)

_My baby fell out of the window,_

_ You'd think that her head would have split. _

_ But luck was with us that morning!_

_ She fell in a pile of shhhaving cream,_

_ Be nice and clean._

_ Shave every day and you'll always look keen._

End of Sabrina's Epic Truck Break, part two (Because I said so)

*~:&:~*

**Hey guys! Guess what. This is the first update in forever. I'm glad I got so many reviews! I just had a really hard time for a while, but someone awesome helped me walk away from my pity-pot, and now I can go back to pleasing my adoring fans just like before! Yay for you and me! You want to know what else? I have a Skype account. That means you can come and bug me all you want as long as both of us are online. Guess what else. I also have an email address (three actually) just for you to come poke me and what-not!**

**Mah email: siteadminattractor (at) gmail (dot) com**

**Mah Skype: tanglenightonanothercomp**

**Also, I am updating while sick. Truth be told, I actually had this portion of the chapter done for a few months. I just decided to split it into two parts, since I don't want to feel guilty anymore. *sheepish grin***

**First ten to review gets a sticker that sez, "Puck Roolz!"**


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